How do we change our mind?
Do people really change their minds on any issue? How does it happen?
A parent had this dilemma: “My child believes in this, and no amount of showing her the evidence changes her mind.”
Here is a question
How many times do we say someone changed my mind vs how many times do we say “I” changed my mind?
Mostly, we change our own minds by ourselves.
We never change our minds in the open. We go to our comfort spot. We open our minds in secret, turning things around in our heads. We feel the pain, shed our tears, and clutch our betrayed hearts. Then, once the tears have dried, we realise the truth. We pick ourselves up, and our minds have changed and we changed them ourselves!
Mind is a tigress
Our mind is like a tigress in her garden. You cannot force this tigress into a new garden. You will get mauled. You must lure the tigress, coax her fear out and kindle her curiosity.
In sum
When your child goes to her comfort spot, is s/he carrying all the information you supplied? Mostly not. It usually goes in one ear and out the other.
The right way is to stoke the curiosity and trust the intelligence of the other person. If they need help, they will ask for it. As Steven Covey says in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Also read:
Thank you Rahul for restating this frequently experienced complex.
A corollary would be that no one ever wins an argument !
“The right way is to stoke the curiosity and trust the intelligence of the other person.”
Indeed.
Thanks Rahul.
Love the tigress metaphor.